Evelyn // Raindeavour

moved.

2009-12-31T17:16:00.003+08:00

Moved to wordpress (:

http://raindeavour.wordpress.com

I'm not going to delete any post from this blog, but it won't be updated anymore. Until I find another use for it, that is.

Self reminder.

2009-12-09T00:26:00.005+08:00

提醒自己。

理性啊理性，千万别太感性了。

on a side note...
mac donalds' new prosperity burger tastes so bad =__=

2 more days til semester end. Part of me is excited that I can finally have some time to myself to do things I want to do, but another part of me is feeling kinda blah cause I have to go home, and can't see my crazy classmates for next three weeks. Ah wells. Gonna be another sleepless night to prepare for english presentation and figures assignments T_T

I think I've been swearing way too much lately? It's funny. Reactions of some of my classmates are amusing too XD Some people say it's rude, and that a girl should not be swearing so much. But meh, I like it and I don't really care xD I find the F word really expressive, and I can't imagine having to live without saying it ever again :( LOL.

So yeah, fuck this fucking piece of shit!!

心痛。

2009-12-04T13:59:00.002+08:00

upset.

over rain. over this.
felt like i lost my balance.
the people who soothes me from my hectic schedule.
things that hold me through this stressful point of time.

didn't know it meant so much.
didn't know i was so dependent.
didn't know it would upset me so much.
didn't know my tears would fall for you.

ahh.. this is so depressing.
felt like part of me was snatched out...
perhaps getting buried under piles of works would numb this pain.
but i can't even get myself to start working..

can't believe how much this affects me.
i feel like an idiot.

fuck im such an emotional wreck.

Pleasuremax.

2009-11-23T19:12:00.007+08:00

Baby don't worry.

you are my only,

you won't be lonely,

even if the sky is falling down.

you'll be my only,

no need to worry,

baby are you down down down down down.

So -beep- was asking me which condom he should get,

I told him to get pleasuremax cause really that's the only -good- one I know.

Then he said he couldn't find it and I was like wuh....

I was in class when he said that,

and a while later I went to the convenience store downstairs to get water.

When I walked into the store the condoms were like just RIGHT THERE.

I saw pleasuremax and I instantly thought of -beep-.

I just couldn't resist it. I knew I had to buy it.

So I did, and it's going to be in the mail to Vancouver soon :'D

The cashier was looking at me funny.

I think he was feeling kinda awkward, but I don't know.

He packed all my other things in a bag, but he didn't put the condom in.

Instead he picked it up from the counter and gave it to me.

I was like wuh...? took it and said "just put it in the bag" when putting it inside.

Perhaps they did not have female customers who bought condoms before.

Perhaps all their other customers who bought condoms didn't like to have 'em inside the clear plastic bag and would always just take and put in their purse instead.

But who knows.

It was funny.

Still can't believe I did that.

-Beep- ~~would probably~~ did kill me for writing this, ~~but HAHAHAHAHAHAHA~~ so now he's -beep-.

I love you too homeboy.

You were my heaven in hell.

2009-11-23T03:22:00.005+08:00

It's that time of the month again... both physically and mentally.

Funny how they both came together. Or they always do? I never really paid attention.

I was listening to Girls Aloud's song "Control of the knife" and it brought back the emotions I had when I was addicted to the song months back.

Do you guys have that feeling too? Like when you listen to a song and it somehow relate to a certain period of time in your life.

It was RC craze period.

Facebook games. FFS, XFS, and shit.

and I think I was kinda emo too, but I can't remember exactly.

You're my heaven in hell.

were. cause it's no longer applicable.

I finally got over you, it only took me two years.

Not really sure how I managed to do it, but I guess it's a relief,

for you and for me.

I still love you baby, just not in that way.

I feel like cutting my nails, they're so fucking long.

My mom kept telling me to cut them.

But I don't know... I like when people stare and went "holy fuck your nails"

"are they real?"

Hahaha I don't know, comments like that amuse me.

The white part of my nails are like reaching 2cm almost.

Sometimes they are a little uncomfortable.

But yeah, maybe I will cut them soon.

Someone pull me out of this black hole.

Yes I'm falling back into it again, and I don't want to...

I want to be normal again.

I'm not doing things I should be doing.

I guess I should feel guilty, and I guess I am...

but I'm not very sure.

Subconsciously I think I'm getting pleasure from all of this.

Running away, like I always do.

I don't think I can handle responsibility.

Expectations, I can't live up to.

Knowing something is within my capacity but not fulfilling it is sometimes frustrating.

I can do so much better.

But I'm not doing it.

Why?

So much expectations. From myself, from you, you, and you.

Fucking hate myself sometimes.

I need to set myself a target, a goal.

Am I ever going to achieve it I don't know.

But somehow, something in my head tells me it's all going to be fine.

somehow.

but how?

Later, later, later.... Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow....

Neverending.

But I find comfort in your words, perhaps mine comfort you too.

And we're both falling.

I want to be normal again.

feel like shit.

2009-11-08T06:00:00.002+08:00

Yea, what the title said. I feel like shit now, for some unknown reason. I feel dehydrated, cold, icky all over, and just bleh. Perhaps I didn't drink enough water today, I always feel like shit when I don't drink enough water. Or perhaps that time of the month is coming... orz. I hate it.

My eyes are kinda tired but I don't feel like sleeping. I feel uncomfortable sitting, standing or laying down. I'm listening to a -sorta- depressing song "same script different cast" by Whitney Houston feat. Deborah Cox - it's nice, I'm addicted to it and YES IT'S ON LOOP and has been playing for 738276496735 times (LOL).

I need to catch up with PILES and PILES of assignments. Omg someone just kill me nao. Orz. Went to KL with Jess, Tu, Halie and Fred today. Our drawing 1 lecturer told us about this art supplies store near Chinatown so we decided to go check it out and also buy the material for our finished art project. I was so glad that I actually spent some time to study the map the night before 8D Made it there without getting lost (is proud of self XD;;;;) but forgot to check map how to get back and had to call my cousin for directions. OTL. Nanyang was okay... got LOADS of Windsor and Newton's products, mostly watercolours. And they have a lot of cardboards and easels and stuff. Though I must say I was kinda disappointed overall because it was pretty empty for its' size (it's two storey) and I couldn't find most of the stuff I was looking for there. I did, however, manage to buy art masking fluid there! - expensive shit rm44 T^T

Afterwards we went to Mid Valley cause it was on the way back and also there's another art supplies store there - Art Friend. Art friend is AWESOME. There are so much stuff ranging from craft materials to all sorts of papers to markers. COPIC MARKERS, holy shit why are those so fucking expensive. A box of 72 marker pens cost RM1k + ... made me go QQ. I want them so bad!!!! I ended up buying a block of Daler Rowney tinted pastel paper in assorted neutral colors and a watercolor block (300gsm 8D) also Daler Rowney. Plus a pack of tortillions. I couldn't find Faber Castell's PITT pastel pencils there too, though :[ wadahiao. Can't find those anywhere, not in Nanyang not in Art friends and not even in the Faber Castell store in Sunway.

So in conclusion, I spend more than 130 bucks today on some papers, a bottle of masking fluid and a few tortillions. Amazing.

Sent Tu and Fred home afterwards and sent Halie to Summit Hotel cause her dad came here. Then me + Jess met Lawrence for dinner in Yuen 8D SUCH A WASTE THOUGH. We shouldn't eat steamboat buffet anymore. Me and Lawrence don't eat seafood and Jess says she doesn't feel comfy eating using her hands in public so she didn't take any of those crabs/prawns etc so we paid 20 per pax for cheap steamboat food LOLOL. But overall it was nice :D Jess is too funny; me and Lawrence totally died laughing. No shit we were literally crying LOL. Came home logged on audi and I was just in time for tourny - with 45 seconds left 8D AND THEN GOT DC-ED FIRST ROUND. Was too tired to get pissed at whichever loser who did that and totally knocked out on bed until 1.30am. Browsed facebook and deviantart for god knows how long and here I am blogging at 6.37am, ah-may-zing.

I seriously need to catch up with my assignments.

SELF REMINDER:

- Face/head tracing for CGD by Monday.

- Candy box packaging by Monday.

- Talk to Ali and Chang Haw - arrange a time to discuss about the group presentation - finish draft #1 by Tuesday.

- 2 still life sketch by Tuesday. (plus last week's OTL)

- Old man + 1 portraits and 10 little heads by Wednesday. SKETCHBOOK SKETCHBOOK.

- Design. OH DESIGN. Lord have mercy.

- DON'T BE LATE FOR HISTORY OF ART CLASS ON THURSDAY.

- History of Art NOTEBOOK start on it bitch.

Kill me nao.

Chatlog.

2009-10-25T20:50:00.002+08:00

I was cleaning up my files in one of my folders then I saw an incomplete .txt document where I listed the top ten people I talked to the most on MSN. So I went and completed it. Just for curiosity sake.

MARCH

[1]Hide

[2]Eugie

[3]Rei

[4]Danny

[5]Mich

[6]Xian

[7]Tina

APRIL

[1]Eugie - 2854kb

[2]Token - 2115kb

[3]Danny - 2074kb

[4]Ennic - 1803kb

[5]Patrick - 1504kb

[6]Hide - 1460kb

[7]Rei - 1452kb

[8]Arisu - 938kb

[9]Lusen - 820kb

[10]YipWei - 763kb

MAY

[1]Danny

[2]Rei

[3]Alexis

[4]YipWei

[5]Token

[6]Eugie

[7]Sorin

[8]Patrick

[9]Shin

[10]Thang

JUNE

[1]Lusen - 1343kb

[2]Alexis - 1341 kb

[3]Patrick - 1295kb

[4]Danny - 952kb

[5]Rei - 552kb

[6]Eugie - 494kb

[7]SyeJia - 307kb

[8]Shin - 285kb

[9]Hide - 285kb

[10]Edwin - 239kb

JULY

[1]Alexis

[2]Eugie

[3]Xian

[4]Josh

[5]George

AUGUST

[1]Alexis

[2]Jesse

[3]Eugie

[4]Patrick

[5]Mich

[6]Suiker

[7]Rei

[8]Nicol

[9]Charles

[10]Hide

SEPTEMBER

[1]Syu

[2]Suiker

[3]Bala

[4]Mich

[5]Patrick

[6]Alex

[7]Hide

[8]Dennis

[9]Eugie

[10]Clar

OCTOBER

[1]Syu - 2074kb

[2]Patrick - 666kb

[3]Bala - 602kb

[4]Hide - 412kb

[5]Suiker - 173kb

[6]May - 172kb

[7]Alex - 162kb

[8]Lusen - 130kb

[9]Mich - 118kb

[10]Jackie - 87kb

weird dream.

2009-10-18T23:34:00.002+08:00

OMG I just had the weirdest dream ever. I'm gonna write it down before I forget about it (which is what happened to 90% of my dreams).

In my dream I quit Art School and went back to doing Law o_O And then my mom called me and was said she's outside of my place and want me to let her in (while my room was in a complete and utter mess). She came in and told me she's gonna stay with me for a while cause she had an affair with my piano teacher (?!?!?!?) and now she's pregnant?! Then she said she's gonna get an abortion and I was just so stunned that I was speechless. -_-"

Anyways I woke up and found out that.... I OVERSLEPT FOR ARENA AGAIN. ;wild. WTF?! I've been sleeping sooooooo much lately, and I have no idea why. I guess it's another sleepless night (cause I just had a 6 hours sleep @#@#!^#%@$) to do my assignments. OMG ILLUSTRATOR *dies*

Need anger management.

2009-10-18T14:05:00.004+08:00

Almost a month since I last posted anything here. I've been wanting to blog for quite a while, actually. I just couldn't find the time to, and to be honest I have no idea where to start writing cause there are just so many things I want to talk about.

First and foremost, school started. Brand new, fresh start for me. Since this is the first time that I actually venture into the beautiful World of Art, I had no idea what to expect at all. Being a latecomer wasn't cool either. I was two weeks late so basically everyone in class already had their own clique of friends and I find it rather difficult to fit in. Fortunately that didn't last long - one or two days max I'd say. Most of my classmates are pretty friendly and nice, classes are interesting and relaxing, lecturers are pretty laid back and fun... and I get long weekends for this semester cause I don't have to take Malaysian Studies every Friday!

Art school, to me, is an entirely new universe. I never thought school could be this relaxing and laid back (I'm talking about the atmosphere and environment here, this statement does not apply to the amount of assignments we get). Classes are interactive, lively, fun, and generally pleasant to be in. It is totally different from Law School, which is usually boring, strict, and sleep-bug-inducing. I did not expect so many drawing classes to be honest, and they had me nervous at first since I could not draw to save my life. Now I'm actually glad and is enjoying all these drawing classes *happy sigh* I'm so happy that I decided to do Art! (:

Although, I must say.... I do miss my classmates back in Law School. :(

Other than school, I've been going on Audition on a daily basis almost religiously (LOL). Can't help it, I'm a tourny whore like that. SEA expert tourny, couple tourny then aAU expert pre-tourny and tourny. That's about 3 hours a day for tournies only! I play mainly on SEA now, and only started to go back to aAU about a week ago cause of Tournament Servers. I left Mystique and joined DC-Squad on SEA because well... even though I hate to admit it, Mystique is no more than a dead fam nowadays (and this applies to Mystique on SEA and on aAU).

It was a tough decision really. I love Mystique, I love the history of Mystique and all the memories and laughter that I had in it. I've always had a vision for Mystique to become a really close knit family, where everyone are friends, play together and above all I want to be able to call it a FAMILY rather than just a group of people who only stick together temporarily. A place where we can go to when we just want to have some fun. We would take a temporary leave and still come back as if no time had lapsed in between. I actually thought that I was really close to achieving that goal, but I guess it's not as easy as I thought it would be. I suppose it is inevitable that it would come to this, though. With most of the members from the other side of the globe, time difference is already a huge issue in the fam. I was disappointed, I'm not going to lie and say that I wasn't; I was annoyed and frustrated then I got over it and I guess I don't really care anymore. As much as I hate to say this, the thought of disbanding Mystique crossed my mind a few times, though I quickly dismissed it taking into consideration the others [inactive] members in the fam who have been there from the very start. I would never kick them out of the fam cause they're inactive, and I'm not going to leave them famless just because I've left.

Anyways, I joined DC-Squad, which came as quite a surprise for the DCs (I imagine) and myself (and perhaps some other people too). Throughout my time on SEA there was no fam that I've considered joining before. DC was the first and I am pretty sure that it's going to be the last. It's everything that I've ever wanted in a fam - nice and mature people, no silly entry requirement (yeah I think it's absolutely stupid), recruit strictly by invitation only, active/inactive and loyal members, and although not an important factor; it is a proshiz fam which of course is a wonderful bonus. It has everything I've ever wanted for Mystique and more, and I just can't help but fall in love with the fam and everyone in it. Upon joining I asked Sui if it's okay for me to leave when Mystique becomes active again and she said that it's perfectly fine. But now... I don't think I would want to leave DC ever, even if it becomes inactive.

About a week or so ago I had a really huge mood swing. I got angry at every little single thing that crossed my path and threw big fits about them. I blame the hormone though =x It was that time of the month and also an outlet for all the frustration and anger that I have built up inside. Though, I must say, it was a bad time to go on aAU to find that most of the core members in Mystique gone. Even though I have been expecting it, I still find it highly frustrating (no thanks to rrw) and got fairly worked up by it. Did not help that most of them end up being in the one fam that is almost at the bottom of my list. Meh. And for some reason I just feel really disgusted by aAU and most of the people on it nowadays... with the exception of very few people that I still talk to. I mainly just go on for tourny and leave right after without talking to anyone in between. Some people noticed and asked why am I so quiet, I guess I am keeping a distant from people on there... purposely or subconsciously. That's cause most of the time I either 1) don't know what they're talking about. 2) don't care what they're talking about. and 3) don't want to get involved in all the stupid dramas. Trying to import some DCs over and hopefully that will ease my hatred towards the server... LOL. And so that I can finally fam battle on aAU again. Honey & bby... where art thou? ;wild

I hate the parking spaces outside my house. There are too many trees around and my car is always covered in leaves, branches and BIRD SHIT. RAWR so annoying -____- Yesterday I saw a centipede inside the bathroom while I was having a shower and today I am scared of going into the bathroom T_T

Wow.. this is a long post o_o

too much 69.

2009-09-21T10:59:00.006+08:00

Too many 69 on audi lately o_o!

So I joined DC few days back and is their 69th member.

Then I added Excent on Rainy today and she was my 69th contact.

Not to mention DC's fam bank, but that's fabricated LOL.

I wonder what will be the next 69.

EDIT// not long after writing this post... I got 69 misses in Beat Up.. O_O

EDIT#2//

(6:00 AM) -: do u think like
things become more
obvious to you when u start noticing them
idk
(6:00 AM) -: i keep seeing 69 these few days
(6:00 AM) - » paтяiск.и: things such as?
............
(6:00 AM) -: like i was
(6:01 AM) - » paтяiск.и: yeah it does
(6:01 AM) -: watching a youtube video
and suddenly
the rating
69 ratings
i was like
(6:01 AM) - » paтяiск.и: yeah
(6:01 AM) -: wtf?!
(6:01 AM) - » paтяiск.и: it stays dormant in your mind until you see a lot of it
then.. it becomes active
(6:01 AM) -: @___@
(6:02 AM) - » paтяiск.и: yaaaa
(6:02 AM) -: so funny lol
(6:02 AM) -: but ive never gotten so much 69
(6:02 AM) - » paтяiск.и: LOL
(6:02 AM) -: in such short span of time though
LOL
(6:02 AM) - » paтяiск.и: sounds so wrong
HAHA
(6:02 AM) -: like i normally notice 69
LOLOL
(6:05 AM) - » paтяiск.и: >////<

EDIT#3//

- exсeитяiqυe // яaiиdεavоυг™ © ξvelyи [ ♥ ] says (12:52 PM):
*just when i thought the 69 streak is over
*i tried to work my pets on ffs
*and i click on value to sort them by value
*AND GUESS WAD
*their energy at 69
*LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

missed weddings!!

2009-09-21T10:53:00.000+08:00

Can't believe I missed two Mystique weddings T___T

Congrats to:

Andy + Daney

Alex + Mich

Be happy always <3

mall freak much.

2009-09-21T07:47:00.002+08:00

Out of curiosity, I counted my outfits on audition SEA.... and here's the stats:

34 faces [ didn't count... lol ]

58 hairs [ 29 cash | 29 den ]

61 tops [ 29 cash | 32 den ]

49 bottoms [ 21 cash | 28 den ]

35 shoes [ 18 cash | 17 den ]

10 sets [ 1 cash | 9 den ]

and they're all indef. LOL HOLY SHIT.

timetable.

2009-09-19T13:27:00.002+08:00

sooooo, this is what my timetable is like for next semester.

I already did Pengajian Malaysia "Malaysian Studies" so I think I will have Friday free, YAY!

dedication to my dearest baby Raito/Tian/May.

2009-09-12T18:34:00.002+08:00

Happy 21st Birthday ♥ (12 Sept)

I wish you knew how much I love you and how special you are to me :)

I still have your birthday present from last year with me LOL... need to send it to you. Anyways have fun tomorrow whatever you guys have planned. 21... is a great age.

And I wish you success in all your future undertakings, I know you will excel in whatever path you choose to persue; you always do.

dedication to my aau laogong Alex.

2009-09-12T18:30:00.003+08:00

Happy 18th Birthday ♥ (11 Sept)

I wish you did something special lea, 18 is a special birthday okay?! Lol.

Sides from that I don't have much to say since I don't you that well (YET). Why is your pixel so hot, and why are we so sexy? LOL.

I'm glad you're not a lesphobia ♥ LAB. LOL.

september birthdays.

2009-09-12T18:23:00.003+08:00

It seems most of my loved ones birthdays fall in september.

dedication to my dearest 大猪头.

2009-09-09T19:40:00.002+08:00

Happy 21st birthday ♥

It's a very special day and I hope you are going to have a lovely birthday celebration! You're finally legal :D 是个大人了哦~!

Anyways, on your big day, I want to thank you for everything that you have done for me. You will always be my 大猪头 and I will always be your 小猪头 (LOL WTF THAT SOUNDS FUNNY) henyways. Whatever you do, remember I will always love you, care for you and be here for you okay?! ♥

Please don't go emo and kill yourself. (LOLJK) If you don't know what this means you might want to talk to paocai and laminatress *cough* :D *blinks innocently*

major.

2009-09-02T17:21:00.000+08:00

might be switching major.

graphics/multimedia design.
i'll keep you guys updated 8D

dedication to my dearest hani bani pie.

2009-08-28T18:07:00.002+08:00

PURI HANI, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ♥

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH *hugs* ♥♥♥

Never, ever ever leave me. Okay?

I'll always be here for you :]

Have a fantabulous birthday!!!

damn.

2009-08-26T00:36:00.003+08:00

I went on redbana audi and logged off after 10 minutes.

aAU is fking boring without my blackshit, cb, hoes, hani and random green chat spam :[

I'm not addicted to the game, I'm addicted to the people ♥

yet another rant.

2009-08-25T23:52:00.002+08:00

Sorry for ranting so much lately. LOL.

So today I went to the library and wanted to borrow the statute book for the test. Since it's a reserved title it's located on the shelf behind the counter, so I had to talk to the librarian for it. Well first of all, my card was at its' limit of 5 books so I couldn't check out that book on my account. I only needed like a few pages of one particular act anyways, so I asked the librarian if I could just borrow it and photocopy the few pages. I mean... c'mon... the photocopy machine is just RIGHT NEXT to the counter, I'll just take the book, photocopy and give back. But she insisted that I have to check out before I can photocopy, even if it's only 2 minutes -_-.

Fine. So I went to borrow my friend's card to check the book out. This time it was another librarian. I went up to the counter and I was like, "Hi, can I borrow that book on the reserved shelf "Contract, Tort and Restitution" statute book please?" and he looked at me for a second and was like, "Which one?" And I said, it's on the reserved shelf, second row, the purple book, Contract and Tort statute book." and then he turned to take a look at the shelf and gave me a puzzled look and like "What's the code number?" and I was like "........ huh? it's just there on the second row, the purple statute book." and he was like "there are so many tort books, you gotta give me the code number." I was almost fuming at this point, dude seriously, there aren't even a lot of books on the shelf and that book is like SO FRIGGIN OBVIOUS ok, second row, third book from the left. I just pointed at the book and said "it's RIGHT THERE, I don't know the code number just turn around and get it, it's on the second row third book from the left!" and then he hesitantly got up and went to point at it and said "this?" I was like *rolled eyes* YEAH? THAT WASN'T SO HARD WAS IT?

Then as he took down the book he pointed at the side and said "This is the code number." and I was like yea yea yea... DUDE, why did you insist on taking the CODE number then you have to go and check where is it WHEN IT WAS LIKE RIGHT BEHIND UR FRIGGIN ASS. Fking retarded ~________~

/RANT. SORRY!

SideNote: I WANT TO FKING QUIT LAW!

wtf.

2009-08-25T09:03:00.003+08:00

I think there's some problem with my stm (short term memory). I keep forgetting stuff from like moments ago. For example, this morning when I was leaving house for college, I reminded myself I have to bring my thumbdrive and earphones, so I put them in my bag. Then I decided I'm bringing another bag instead and put all my books notes etc in the other bag but forgot the thumbdrive and earphones. After I left house, and walking towards college I was like OH SHIT, thumbdrive. Went home, pick up thumbdrive, left home. On the way to college, OH SHIT again, earphones. Went home, pick up earphones and leave. WTF MAN?

Same thing happened yesterday. After I left the internet cafe I went to buy dinner. When I was there buying food I left my books on the table (then conveniently forgot about them). After I got my dinner and walked home, I realised I forgot my books. So I walked back to the food court and took my books. Walked home again, went upstairs put stuff down and just about to play some music and have dinner: OH SHIT left thumbdrive in internet cafe. So I get changed went back to internet cafe and phew luckily thumbdrive still there.

MAN, what is wrong with me?! This kind of things happen so often it's not even funny anymore T____T

On a totally irrelevant note: THERE'S A MOUSE IN MY ROOM D:!!!

dedication to my waifu.

2009-08-22T20:12:00.001+08:00

DEAR SUZY HANI, BAOBEI, LAOPO, QIN AI DE ♥

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE *mwahhhh* Love you lots ♥♥♥

so I'm still alive.

2009-08-19T01:03:00.003+08:00

Haven't had a nosebleed for a year and I had two this week. Weird. Didn't dare to let my mom know cause then she'd force me to have this procedure done with my nose and I don't want to do it. I used to have nosebleed so frequently, like 3 or 4 times a day. I grew to like my blood 8D and watching them drip in the basin. I know, I'm weird 8D

Yesterday I went to the hospital for check up. I made an appointment so it should've been fairly fast. But no, I had to wait 3 freakin hours there because... they lost my file. And the doctor said she needed to see my file before she sees me. HOW RETARDED IS THAT? I was like so what if they still can't find it at the end of the day? I still have to see the doctor right?! They just kept me waiting for hours even after I went to the counter and ask them what they going to do about it, and they kept saying "Sorry we're looking for it now please wait a little while more." FUMING! The actual time I needed to consult and talk to the doctor was only like some 5 minutes. She just needed to know if I'm allergic to the medication she gave me last time so she will decide whether I should continue taking it or not. FOR THAT I HAD TO WAIT THREE FREAKING HOURS. What a waste of time. I was almost going to storm to the customer service department and complain the shit out of them. DIU! I hate waiting.

On another note, WRITING SKILLS IS KILLING ME. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it.

I've been on Audition a lot lately. Getting attached to my FAM and playing with my blackshyt, hoe, and CB. LOL, sounds so wrong. Anyways today on Audi, we were gonna fam battle. Then this guy who got caught hacking and openly admitted on forums that he hacked, wanted to join. So baby was like, "hacker out please". Then he was like, hacker? who? me? and baby was like "isn't that a known fact" etc then he got all pissed off and offended. Said something like "oh it's okay, he's just a kid and I won't take what he said seriously I know what I'm capable of blablablabla, now I don't feel like fam battling" etc and all drama queen about it. I almost died laughing. I mean hello? You've got a stained reputation because of your own retarded and stupid action so take it like a man. You can't blame other people to think of you that way because HELLO? YOU DID HACK. Be it one hour, one day or one year. You have used hack before, that's a FACT. So don't come and cry and bitch and trying to say that you were only curious and wanted to try and you only used it for two days and didn't know it was a hack. Just shut the fuck up with the excuses already, and stop trying to get sympathy from people. He was all like I know it's my fault and I'm going to admit it to the world and accept the consequences. I don't care if my character is banned I just want you guys to know that I'm a legit player and only gave in to my curiousity and just wanted to know if the community will still accept me blablabla and tons of other bullshit. DUDE IF YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR REPUTATION SO MUCH THEN DONT HACK IN THE FIRST PLACE. Yes, admitting your fault is good, but you gotta know that YOU DID THE WRONG THING FIRST so don't come and cry like a baby and say all those fake and fucked up stuff because lets admit it you're nothing but a loser. I totally DO NOT BUY any of your excuses because they are all pathetic and not convincing. Sorry, try harder son.

Yoho.

2009-07-30T23:08:00.002+08:00

Woops, sorry. Totally forgot about my blog for the past... month or two.

Nothing exciting in my life anyways. Work, study, being healthy, and then luna :D

Talking about healthy life, I have been eating healthy, sleeping normal hours and doing exercise daily o_o can you believe it? 2 months ago I wouldn't have thought that I would be living a healthy normal lifestyle (LOL) but I guess it's a good thing. My body is a mess, ever since the incident two years ago (super duper stress) that messed up my life, my body has been reacting negatively. And the most noticeable symptom is my messed up hormone (irregular period) and Uterine Leiomyoma/fibroid. My mom gets really worried and we went to so many places... doctors, nutritionists etc etc and they all said that I need to de-stress. And I was like... what stress? I'm not stressing. That's true cause I haven't been stressing lately, but I guess what happened two years ago has such a huge impact that my body hasn't recover from it and instead getting worse with each day.

So today I went to see yet another doctor and apparently my blood pressure is slowly going up and is almost at borderline. I had yet another uterus scan and this time I can actually see the fibroids in my uterus (LOL - and omg so many of them). The doctor said that they're really small and harmless though, but there isn't anyway to make them go away (-___-") Fuck that. LOL. Honestly speaking I wasn't worried all that much since I don't feel anything, and they're harmless anyways. But my mom is really worried -0- she kept asking me if I'm stressed out even though I've repeated million of times that I'm not. Then she told me to go exercise more since exercising is supposed to be a good de-stress activity and I was like O____O NOOOO I hate sweating it's going to make me even more stressed (LOL) but duhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm getting kinda bored of jogging twice a day now, might start to go swimming with my dad in the morning :D

Anyways I think I'll stop here this time you guys probably don't want to know about my health problem LOL.

@Suzy: You stopped going on Luna T______T

@Puri hani: I MISS YOU LEA.

@Joy: Teach me nihongo D:

@Everyone else: HAIIII <3

寻人启事。

2009-06-06T02:08:00.002+08:00

很闲。

跟一星期前的生活是天壤之别。

庆幸的是做自己爱做的事情时候那份内疚已不再。

唯一不变的是依然很宅。

每天累了才睡觉，睡到自然醒。

啥都不想做，啥也不必做。

吃饭也懒，一天就一餐。

有人说这是种幸福。

不知是年龄日益增长缘故还是其他因素，对于身边热闹活动的兴趣日趋贫乏。

宁愿一个人怀揣一本书籍在角落安然一日。

这样就好。

生命里好像少了点火花，但是我并不觉得恐慌。

躺在床上不想动，思绪漫无目的的飘。

盯着天花板，听着自己心跳，就这样可以过一个小时。

跟脑海里频频出现的你打个招呼。

你，好吗？

有名无实、有实无名。

哪样较好，哪样令人较为向往。

像是得到了什么，还是失去了什么？

依旧执着。

依旧等待。

那一份完美，那一个唯一。

舍弃主角情愿当个配角，是妥协。

又能持续多久？

把我带走吧。

Patto is old.

2009-05-20T06:06:00.005+08:00

Okay so the reason I'm blogging is because I'm bored, which really shouldn't be happening considering I have 2 more papers to go. Tomorrow and Monday! And then I'm freeee yay!! for another month or two anyways.

I actually had a lot I wanted to blog about but now I really can't remember what did I want to say. Oh that's right, I was going to blog about Puri + Etherity but... seems like problems solved and I probably shouldn't stir up more things so I'll just leave it at that... hani knows what I think about the whole thing anyways.

Getting bored of being so nice all the time. Sometimes I really feel like being mean for a change, y'know? People don't seem to appreciate what you do for them anyways... so why bother.

Lost contact with Ennic, again. This time it's going to be for good... why did I even bother in the first place.. should have gone with my instinct. If things don't work out for the first time, second time... it's not going to ever work out. Third time lucky is bullshit. So, whatever. Have fun with Mia, good luck in your finals, and we will probably never ever talk again. Like I've said, 你有你的人生要走，我有我的生活要過，未來我們不會再有任何交集. If I allow myself to listen to you again, I am an idiot.

Getting bored of... no one to flirt with :[ who wants to be my victim? LOL.

Also, happy belated birthday to PATTO/STIKKU/[]/Mr-fucking-old-but-still-younger-than-me 《- LOL I remember calling you that last year. Scroll down my page and you will find the post I dedicated to his birthday last year wow hahaha. Anyways new pics cause I made some fansigns the other day :]

Growing up sucks.

2009-05-02T15:54:00.002+08:00

Got internet back ^__^v Damn I accumulated like 3 months worth of bill, dang expensive. Broke now -_-v

My mom left for Genting today, and she might or might not come back to KL. I thought I'd be happy when she leaves, but instead I'm feeling kinda down and lost. I miss mommy :[ When she was here I wished she wasn't, but when she left I feel kinda lonely :/ Used to her being in my room for the past week, and it just feels a lil weird when she's gone and now my room is so empty. I hate this feeling. When I have visitors over for a few days, I grow so used to their presence and when they have to leave, I'd feel very empty inside :[ haiz.

I hate growing up. I don't think I'm ready to be on my own anytime soon. I know it's weird and irresponsible for me to say this, especially when I'm so old, but haiz. I want to just be my mommy and daddy's girl for as long as I can. I am so dependent I'm not ready to go out of the shelter just yet... Damn it. Why can't I just grow up..? I hate being on my own.

On an entirely different note, hide sucks. If you're reading this bani, I really don't know what to do with you. Do you not like talking to me or something? I tried to talk to you, I tried to stay in touch, but you either ignore my questions, say something totally random and/or retarded, or just ignore me altogether. I don't usually talk to people, let alone initiate a conversation. So me trying to talk to you is saying a lot, at least for me. If you don't like it or appreciate it, then fine. I'll save the time and energy to talk to other people who actually wants to talk to me. Just tell me to shut up and I will.

PS: fucking stupid people sending stupid and retarded msn messages. GO GET YOUR MSN FIXED DAMN IT!!

Note to self: Blog about Puri + Etherity next post. I'm contemplating~! It's just taking one hell of a long time to draft in my head.

Stupid bills.

2009-04-30T17:52:00.002+08:00

No internet at home cause I forgot to pay my bills. Yeah, I know, stop laughing =.= Yesterday I was talking on MSN then all of a sudden all the web pages stopped loading. I thought it was the router again since it had been up for like some 160+ hours so I restarted it, but the “internet” light was flashing in red instead of the normal green so I was like wtf? After restarting it for another one or two time I was like fuck this I’m gonna call the ISP and ask them what’s wrong. So I picked up the phone, but instead of the normal calling tone there’s this operator saying “I’m sorry your line has been disconnected due to non-payment, please arrange to pay as soon as possible and call 100 to have your line reconnect.” I was like “…………………..” stunned for a moment cause I totally forgot there’s such thing as internet/phone bill -___-v I KNOW. STOP LAUGHING T_T I’m not used to paying bills that’s why… never had to pay bills cause all the bills at home are none of my business, haiz.

Anyways so yeah, so after I found out my internet is down I called puri hani to ask her to work my pets for me. First thing she did was laughing like a siao cha bo. Super dots. She couldn’t even speak properly cause she couldn’t stop laughing =.= I ended up talking to hani for a while more since I had nothing to do and she kept laughing at my fobbiness, haiz :[ Totally lost my british accent after I came back, sound so fobby now... I want to go back to England lea!!! haiz.

My mom is here with me for a few days because she has a meeting to attend in KL tomorrow. I like seeing my mom but I really hate her nagging.... she can go on for hours, literally. You don't want to get her started... =.= and haiz. Have to live normal now, as in normal lifestyle.. which is so not me LOL. But I guess it's good in a way... I've been wanting to fix my sleeping pattern for a while so maybe with my mom here I can actually do it. Slept at 10pm last night and woke up at 6 this morning. HEALTHY RIGHT?! I even had breakfast this morning. Unbelievable.

I gave up on all my hubbies. They are just too much for me to handle.

每一次想你.

2009-04-23T05:32:00.003+08:00

我發現每一次想你　整個人好像陷入深深　深海底
在沒有黑夜白天分界　時空裡　只聽到心跳頻率聲音

每一次我想你　就會發現更深一層瞭解自己
許多事情只是口頭上說的輕鬆而已
但　心裡豈止牽掛在意就可以

還是愛你　第一次我對自己感到無能為力
離開你是我一生最笨的選擇　最糟糕的決定
每一次想你我都會忍不住責怪自己

我還是愛你　雖然朋友都用體貼話語安慰著自己
就算第二個愛情再來臨　在我心裡
能給我幸福的人　我知道世上只有你

Haiz.

2009-04-23T04:08:00.003+08:00

Haiz. Complicated. Don't know where to start describing what I'm feeling inside.

#1 haiz; why you no care me?

#2 haiz; why you never there?

#3 haiz; why can't I trust you?

#4 haiz; .... why the fuck am I haiz-ing so much?!

Perhaps I'm not giving enough. That's why I'm not getting enough. I guess I really shouldn't ask for more than what I can give. Very selfish of me. Haiz.

PS: I SHOULD BE WORKING ON MY ASSIGNMENT. FUCK THIS SHIT!

Replaced.

2009-04-20T08:41:00.006+08:00

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Do the test here: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Still in haiz mood. haiz, still moody. I can almost feel myself shrinking... and shrinking til I disappear. The cold, shivering feelings is so unfamiliar and totally unexpected. As if someone just slapped me hard and cold, then shut me outside of the door. And I can't find the key to it. I tried once, tried twice.. door won't budge, and then I stopped. I don't want to try all the keys I have because I'm scared, what if none of them is the right key...? What if I've lost it forever?

Peeking into the keyhole, I can't see a trace of myself in there. It's like I've never existed before. Though it felt like it was only yesterday when we bid each others adieu with a kiss goodbye.

One or another.

2009-04-19T02:04:00.015+08:00

Here comes my bi-yearly post. LOL. Okay sorry I know I'm a really bad blogger :[ I've been wanting to blog so many times, just couldn't get myself to actually start wr-, uh, I mean typing. I'm planning to start again! I know I said that in my last post... (LOL) but seriously I will try this time.

Anyways, finally got round revamping my blog. Picked this layout out from blogskin, love the color scheme and the simplicity. Grey, green and pink! Three of my favourite colors together, now that's hot. The coding flaws didn't pose much troubles :) ta-da~! I love the new look of my blog XD

I was reading my xanga earlier and it's just so... happening. I had so much to write back then, and now my life is just boring. Danny said that's cause we're getting old, I guess that's one of the maaaany reasons, but man I've turned into such a 宅女. haiz. LOL. I just can't be bothered with well, almost anything nowadays. Shopping? boring. Clubbing? been there done that nothing special.

Not exactly in the best of mood lately. Minor dramas, people come, people go. Sometimes you think you left everything behind, but the truth is, you're the one left behind. I guess I'm just being selfish, expecting to have everything in my arms when I haven't really make much of an effort to try to keep them. I felt as if I've lost my properties... but the truth is, they were never mine to begin with.

Life's like that. When you take something, you have to give something else up in return. You can't have everything. I guess I was taking things for granted. There was no justification for my anger. Sometimes you can't blame other people for taking things away from you, you can only blame yourself for not holding on to them tight enough. Nothing is irreplaceable; everything is expendable. If you're not good enough, then you're out of the picture. Simple as.

Nothing is forever, that's just wishful thinking.

I'm not mad at anyone except for myself. I guess I'm not ready to open up myself for another person just yet. I never really liked you before, and all these events just made it a lot worse. Instead of a stranger, you're now a rival; and I don't think I can accept you as a friend anytime soon. I'm sorry if I made the situation awkward for all the people in between, but it shouldn't be that bad since I'm hardly around nowadays. Much love ♥

Holy shit, I'm posting.

2008-12-03T05:24:00.002+08:00

Yep, that's right, your eyes are not deceiving you. I know I'm such a crap blog keeper!

Well, I shall start blogging again... plan to, anyways. Not that there's anything interesting for me to blog about. Class, assignment, audition. Same old, same old. So what you guys been up to? (asks imaginary blog readers) LOL.

Finally got internet installed in my rented room few days back. HUGE RELIEF man. It was really inconvenient with no internet, but I guess I was more efficient work wise without it. Also have aircond installed last week, I love my room now <3

Neways, I guess I should get some sleep now. Class in 3 hours ; 3;

PS: Loving my new desktop! Check it out <3

Rest In Peace.

2008-05-20T21:13:00.002+08:00

It's been a week since the 5.12 earthquake in China happened. In the past week, there has been so many articles and news about it on the newspaper, TV, QQ, and so on. Even though I don't come from China, 但是我身上还是流着中华人民的血统. It might sound cheesy but my heart goes to them, and bleeds for them. It's a kind of sadness that comes from deep within, I really can't describe it any better.

Earlier on I was watching a documentary about the earthquake with my mom. It's about a guy who struggled to live under all the rocks for 3 days 3 nights not able to move and without any food. He was telling the rescue team how thankful he was when they found him, and said that he has to live because he has a family to take care of, and his wife is pregnant. He was so determined to live. It took the rescue team 7 hours to get him out of the rocks but sadly he passed away shortly after being rescued. T_T

Various other sad stories like this were featured on the news, papers and so on. Most are about how the parents sacrificed themselves trying to protect their kids. 亲情的伟大真是令人忍不住为之掬一把同情之泪啊. I just couldn't stop crying when I was reading the newspaper. One was about a mom who died protecting her 4-months-old kid, she was found dead kneeling on the ground embracing her kid. There was a mobile phone in the infant's swaddling clothes and on it there's a SMS saying "亲爱的孩子，如果你能够活下来，千万要记得妈妈很爱你". (My dear child, if you live, please remember that I love you very much).

I can't imagine how they must feel before their death. 那种护子心切的心情，愿意用自己的性命来换孩子的安全，自己以后再也见不到孩子的那种心情. 肯定撕心裂肺，想必一定很无奈. 一方面希望孩子能够活下去，却又不确定是否有机会生还，就算生还的话孩子就是孤儿的那种心情.

祈福. 望你们都能够平安. 四川汶川的同胞们，你们一定能够挺过去的，请继续坚持下去！

Rest In Peace.

You're my age now!

2008-05-15T20:23:00.003+08:00

Happy 21st birthday to Stick/Pat/Patto/brick/[]/St ck (: although I doubt anybody still read this blog (especially NOT PAT).

YOU'RE MY AGE NOW! Mr-fucking-old-who-is-still-younger-than-me.

Anyways I hope you have a great birthday, 21 is a great age!

and always remember, mature women exude sex appeal. LOL.

<3 bed-buddy -shy >///< ROFL.

PS: Feb 03 -> May 15 -_-; I'm so bad at keeping blogs T_T

I only clicked once!

2008-02-03T05:43:00.000+08:00

My mouse is SOOO annoying. It's toooooo sensitive! It keeps double clicking when I only click it once -__-; So I was looking at mouse on eBay and amazon, any recommendation? I'm not looking at those top of the range mouse; I don't need those. I just need a mouse that will stop double clicking all the friggin time :/ Other than that, I'm also thinking of getting a new monitor and a new keyboard. Ya know the kind of flat, laptop style keyboard? I wonder what are those like :0

As for monitor, I'm probably gonna get something bigger. I have a 17" acer LCD monitor at the moment, and the max resolution is 2048 x 1024. I want something bigger... and not widescreen -0-; I came across a good deal for a tablet while looking for a mouse on ebay. It's a wacom graphire classic tablet, A6 size, ideal for me :3 It's currently at 11 quid and 16 hours to go, if I'm lucky I might get it for under 20 quid ^_~

I've been thinking of getting a new webhost lately. As a lot of you should've noticed by now, raindeavour.net is non-accessible at the moment :0 Not that the domain is gone, it's just that I don't have a webhost to host it. For some unknown reason I can't access the webhost I was with on Sam's network, so I'm not planning to use the same hosting company just in case it happens again. I'm probably gonna go with dreamhost - it's a great hosting company, I've been with them before and was very pleased with their service.

I'm planning to start making graphics again. It has been more than a year since I last made a layout. When I started playing Cabal I got so occupied and became so unproductive and eventually stopped making graphics altogether. However, I have no plan to revive aetherius.net; my graphics website for those of you who don't know about it. I will probably just make a portfolio/blog site... or something.

BUH D:

2008-01-31T00:57:00.000+08:00

So, for some reason I can't access my domain/webhost from Sam's house. Which is why I haven't been updating my blog after I moved in. Anyways I think my webhost died... and nobody can view my blog anymore so I changed it back to blogspot's subdomain URL.

How's everyone?! *crawls outta my grave and waves hello* x]

Oh and, 老公我想你了 ;__;

...

2008-01-06T13:17:00.002+08:00

It occurs to me that my intellectual standard has suffered a steep downfall over the past few months, if not years. I can't recall when was the last time I finish reading a book; with the exception of random books I pick up to read briefly in the loo. Heck, I don't even bring books into the loo no mores, they got replaced by the iPod D: I've been indulging in loads, and I mean LOADS of online gaming and I don't think they do me any good at all .__.

My emotions have been like a roller coaster ride past couple of days. It went from happy, cheerful to sad, depressed then to worry, moody and so on. Ever since my mom called, my nerves have been standing on the edges. It feels like I could have a nervous break down anytime. Surprisingly (or not), I haven't been thinking about it much. I guess subconsciously I'm running away from my problems again, thinking everything will be fine EVENTUALLY, somehow.

I have said it many times before, and I will say it again: I contradict myself in so many ways that I sometimes feel like my whole life is just a huge contradiction. Even my own personalities I can't really grasp. A lot of times I behave in a way that I would normally despise without even realising it. Am I a hypocrite? You tell me.

Happy Birthday Darling Xian <3

2007-12-21T23:46:00.000+08:00

To my dearest darling, Happy Birthday <3

I know this entry is late, but I still want to put it up.

You are a truly wonderful person and you deserve all the good things in life.

開心~

2007-11-30T05:10:00.000+08:00

今天第一次和老公在skype上面音聊

超高興的~ ^^v

荒廢了這個地方那麽就有點慚愧
其實生活也沒什麽特別
就是和往常一樣一天一天的過日子
大家最近還好嗎？

hani where'd u go ; ;

2007-08-16T11:53:00.000+08:00

hani told me to help her post her itinerary so she gave me her login/pw to her blogger........ BUT SHE DIDNT GIVE ME HER ITINERARY?!?!?! then she went offline le. anyway.

-imaginery itinerary here-

bye!

♡

- Joy-hani T_T?!

LOL.... my laptop battery diedddddd when I was typing my iti la D:

ITINERARY:

Penang Int' Airport 16th August 0800 - Kuala Lumpur Int' Airport 0855
Kuala Lumpur Int' Airport 16th August 1755 - Hong Kong Int' Airport 2143
Hong Kong Int' Airport 17th August 0035 - London Heathrow Int' Airport 0635

All Local Time. YAY~ *blogging in HKIA ; ;

Crapola posting lala

2007-07-17T14:57:00.000+08:00

Hani needs to start blogging -_- DEAD BLOG LA!

Also... Cbox expired -_-; Upgraded it again but I suppose I gotta wait for a while before it comes back up... in the mean time, use the comment system D:!

My laptop is in hospital now ; ; poor thing. The screen fucked up a long while ago, not like it's completely dead or anything; but there is no backlight (?) or whatever you call it, therefore I have to hook it to a monitor to use it. Anyways I'm using my home PC in the mean time :3

Not much happening lately... Life in Malaysia is boring, but healthy (in comparison to my lifestyle in the UK...) and I go out a lot more? I've been driving everyday and surprisingly no accidents... YET XD Since I got back I had 2 haircuts... TWO! 8 inches of my precious hair la ; ; But I suppose it's better because the tips of my hair were like fucked up as a result of excessive hair dye + straightening + blow drying? -__-; There were shit load of split ends and whatnot, and as dry as dead leaves -o-; Before I cut my hair there was like 2 colors, black from root to around 4 inches over shoulder and brown downwards. Now it's only black~

Gagagagaga, so many things on my to-do list -__-; *checks*

- Go to the dentist
- Upgrade internet
- Get a webcam
- Learn cooking... -o-;
- Buy stuff for the chinese restaurant lady
- Get a new luggage
- LETTERS!
- Wallpaper ; ; sorry darling
- STUDY LIKE SIAO -o-;
- and more... ; ;

It's been a month since I got back, and I've only met up with -counts- one friend -o-; LOL :x I mean, actually went out together. I've bumped into a few friends when I was out, but we didn't hang out together :x I even bumped into my first ever crush in this coffee house the other day... BUT I didn't go and say hi or anything (stupid stupid stupid stupid) cause I'M TOO FAT LA -cries- Oh wells, whatever -___-;

Hmm... there are some random pictures I wanna post here BUT home PC doesn't have Photoshop so I can't resize the pictures, hence I'll do it when I get my lappy back :3

What more... OH YA! OMFG!!! My English has becomes so friggin fobby nowadays -_-v goodness... I talked to Sam on the phone 2 days ago and I couldn't believe how @#^%@#$ my spoken English is T__T And the way I type changes as well -o-; NTS: Must speak more English (AND I MEAN PROPER ENGLISH), and type in PROPER ENGLISH. kthx -_-;

Alright, gotta go to the dentist now.. lala ; ;

PS: WTF hani I just realised you posted that draft again ;o ♥

随笔

2007-07-16T03:21:00.000+08:00

这几天。。不知怎的心里特沉重
或许是网络小说看太多了看得我也变多愁善感
其实几天前就想写些什么了
但满脑子里想的东西实在是非常抽象
每每想写却不知道该从何"打"起

其实自己很多事情要办
但是我却完全没有动力去完成
眼看时间一天一天的浪费在这种无谓的事情上
对自己很懊恼也很自责
自己的前途仿佛已经看得到尽头了
为什么还是那么不争气
已经是最后一次机会了为什么还是那么没有恒心
是不是要等大好前途都败送在自己手里
是不是要等到自己都失去了一切
我才能够学会如何去珍惜

机会并不是常有好运也不会永远停留在自己身边
当我拥有这个好机会好运气的时候
为什么不懂得掌握不懂得善用
任由自己蹉跎岁月
我是不是已经无药可救了。。

很烦很生气也很讨厌自己
有时候真觉得还是死掉算了
自己的存在也许一开始就是个错误
留在这个世界上根本就是浪费资源
浪费人家花在我身上的心思
干嘛对我那么好我不懂得珍惜！
不值得不值得啊。。

其实我知道这个连自己都无法接受的自己
还有什么资格去奢求别人的爱
可是小说看多了头脑也就常在想些有的没的
很想有一个你时时刻刻都能在我-
孤独的时候在身边陪伴着我
无聊的时候俏皮的逗我开心
懒惰的时候在后面推我一把
开心的时候分享我的好心情
伤心的时候聆听我哭诉心事
疲倦的时候让我依靠你肩膀
胡闹的时候适时的轻声责备
撒娇的时候微笑着宠爱着我
跌倒的时候耐心的教我站起
委屈的时候怜惜的为我心痛。。

这样的幻想是不是很可笑
我当我是小说里的女主角啊？
可是做做梦也无妨吧。。
梦里的你是完美无缺的
梦里的我是我一直以来都想成为的那种人
什么都不用担心因为不论是什么事情
到最后都还是会有美满的结局
这样的梦太完美太令人流连忘返
好想沉醉在这梦境里永远都不用醒过来。。。

而这个梦的别名就叫。。。网络

下意识的唾弃现实生活里的自己
但又没有勇气去面对种种问题
只好逃到虚拟的网络世界里
假装什么问题都没有懦弱的苟且偷生
现实里那个黑洞越扩越大
我知道在不久的未来里
我的身心将会慢慢的被侵蚀
最后彻底的消失在没有边境的黑暗里。。。

鬱悶備忘錄

2007-07-08T08:03:00.000+08:00

這幾天每到夜深人靜時心情便會莫名其妙的變得鬱悶
到底是爲什麽呢？我也理不出個所以然來
總是有滿肚子的話想說卻沒有傾訴的對象

我生性就是多愁善感吧
在別人眼裏看來一些微不足道的小事就足以煩擾我一整天
不外都是些無聊的閒事所以我都不怎樣想對別人說起
是在意他人會用什麽樣的眼光來看我麽？
還是覺得那些丁點小事根本就不值得一提。。

鬧情緒是不是就代表某人想引人注意？
說實在的我覺得那些一直在鬧情緒的人
心裏多少都希望得到他人的關懷吧
畢竟有人關懷的那種感覺是很令人心暖的

我這個人依賴性很強最不喜歡孤單的感覺
時時刻刻都渴望著被人呵護以及保護
就像是風箏需要風的力量才能夠飛翔
其實也沒有那麽誇張啦。。我還不至於那麽脆弱
可是在有心事的時候還是渴望有一雙肯聆聽的耳朵

那麽以此推論我算不算是想故意引人注意呢？
我一直以來都對那種人沒有什麽好感
又怎麽可以容忍自己淪落到那種地步
心裏有時真是超鬱悶想找人訴心事卻覺得自己好麻煩
又在意別人聼了之後會怎樣想我
所以有些想說出來的東西卻被憋在心裏始終說不出口
好矛盾。。。
---------------------------------------
這幾天心裏悶悶的仿佛失去某些東西或是在渴望著什麽似的
靠 TNND 越想我就越鬱悶！※＠＃＊％＄

New layout!

2007-07-07T07:30:00.000+08:00

8 fricken hours... That's 8 hours non stop I spent editing/working on this blogskin ._. And I didn't even design it, it's a premade layout D: Although it wasn't meant for blogger so I had to tweak the code a lil here and there. Plus I also edited the header image to add blog title etc.

Jelena from Endless-Light is one of my favourite designers in the web design community. I've always loved this layout she made and finally decided to use it ♥ Isn't it pretty? ; ; I also got rid of my old imeem player since Imeem wouldn't even load for me cause my internet connection is so crappy. Also it wouldn't resize anymore and it just didn't look nice - -v So I changed to radio blog player :3 It's server side though, meaning you have to install the player and upload your own songs onto your webspace. I'm a lil worried that my bandwidth gonna go BOOM cause I keep coming here to listen to the songs ; ;

There are only 7 songs on my playlist at the moment (and they're all mandarin/cantonese woops) but they're all my all-time favourite ♥ Some of you knew that I don't really like sites that auto play songs (especially those without a stop button grrr) but this time I made my songs autoplay :x The song I put on autoplay is what I called "Song of the moment" <- Song I'm really into atm and want to share with you guys :3 You can check the lyrics of the featured song at the very top of the content area <3 I'll try to translate the lyrics if they're not originally in English, though I cannot promise that... Translating this one took a while and 3 heads (of 38's) LOL the original translation I did was so bad... Thanks to xian darling and joy-hani for helping me la XD

Not much happening lately... I enrolled to this dance studio and have been going to the dance classes religiously. I love belly dancing so much *___* it's sooo fun ♥ Yoga was alright... but because I'm not bendy so it's a lil difficult =x Other than that I've been staying in most of the time... studying and talking online. *sigh* stress la ; ; I have also stopped going on MSN, only chatting on Skype to my beloves :3 I like how you will still be in a group chat even when you get disconnected or go offline... Our crazy group chat has been there for... 13 days and counting o_o goodness XD

By the way... Joy-hani got my letter today! OMG I was so happy <3 ; ; I can assume tian baby also got his right? Since they live like.. one? or a few streets apart XD Letters in progress: Sam baby, Puri-hani + Suzy-hani, Xian darling ♥

Actually I have so much I want to say... but I couldn't think of anything right now... @_@ Don't you hate it when that happens?! GRRRR -bangs head on wall- <_< Oh wells, I guess that's it for this time :3 And weeeeeee, I WROTE THIS ENTRY IN ENGLISH! ENGLISH LA XD

有感而发

2007-07-05T00:42:00.000+08:00

有时候我会想,有一个很友善,对每个人都很好的男朋友,到底是不是一件好事呢?

我想,每个女人在爱情上都是自私的,对吧? 每个女人都会想要一个只对自己一个好的人.有谁会愿意和别人分享自己的另一半呢?

当真的那么幸运,让我爱上了一个这样的男人,我想,要维持那一段感情,应当是非常艰难的一件事情吧.

感情的事情很难说.不是你想控制就可以控制得来. 当你的心已系在那某一个人身上时,就算想理智也太迟了.那个时候,爱与不爱,已不是自己内心能够控制的.

这个时候,我能够做些什么呢? 压抑自己的感情? 我想,那应该是唯一的办法了吧...

-----------------------------

今天我开心吗？早上下午的时候心情明明还是好好的，但是到了晚上就突然间变得很不开心。说实在，我应该没有不开心的理由，但是心不晓得为什么就突然间很沉重。

在这样的时候，我看来像是需要一个人静静的思考，但是潜意识里却渴望能有个人在身边陪我。什么都不必做，只要静静的陪着我就足够了。

我不喜欢这样的自己，但我却不排斥这样的感觉？好矛盾。。。

感情太泛滥不是一件好事
讨厌自己那么容易的投入感情那么容易的喜欢上一个人
那么容易的被欺骗被占便宜被利用
讨厌自己的判断力那么差
讨厌自己的没有立场
讨厌自己的容易心软
讨厌自己的脆弱和懦弱
讨厌自己的优柔寡断
讨厌自己的没有主见
讨厌自己的小题大做
讨厌自己做事永远没有恒心
讨厌自己的没有决心

我讨厌这样的自己。

第一个想到的是~ 你

2007-06-29T00:06:00.000+08:00

什么叫做缘分呢？一见钟情？相知相惜？平平淡淡？日久生情？
我想只有真正努力的人才能遇上好缘分

亲爱的朋友想对你说三声“谢谢”

第一个谢谢你让我走进你的生命作你的朋友
或许我不是你最精彩的但是我总是尽力做到最好

第二个谢谢你愿意走进我的生命扮演朋友的角色
或许你不是最好的但却是我生命中最精彩的

第三个谢谢你一路走来很多的包容，安慰，关心，用心。。
所有的深刻都在你给我的回忆里

亲爱的好朋友有缘做到朋友是难得的
只要大家将心交出来没有事情是不可能的

人的思绪是复杂而凌乱的
当夜深人静时你会想起谁呢？
在这美丽的星空下我就当然想起你啦~

这几天荒废了这个blog真实惭愧~
但是我还没有死ok?!
把香省省吧你不会那么容易摆脱我的~

to whoever who can't read chinese... sorry <3

Itinerary

2007-06-15T17:30:00.000+08:00

It's almost like a custom to post my itinerary before I fly. I did that every time in the past so this time, there's no exception.

15th June (Fri); Cathay Pacific Airline Flight CX0250
Departure: London Heathrow Airport 18:20
Arrival: Hong Kong Int Airport 13:10

16th June (Sat); Cathay Pacific Airline Flight CX0693
Departure: Hong Kong Int Airport 14:55
Arrival: Penang International Airport 18:25

I'm leaving to the airport in 4 hours... AND I HAVEN'T DONE PACKING YET! LIKE !@#!@%!@##$^@ alright I better get back to packing or else -shivers-

Next time I'm online I'll be in Malaysia ^^~ ♡♡♡

Love you all <3

Whoa... I'm alive

2007-06-05T22:49:00.000+08:00

Woops, abandoned bloggie for like... 2 weeks :3 Meow~ kinda got lazy to blog since I always spend like an hour+ on an entry lmao XD

10 days before I'm going back to Malaysia, not really sure whether I'm looking forward to it or not. WTF still have to take out my friggan lip ring GG me - -v Dah.. I'm gonna miss my piercings :/ I've only just started packing like yesterday, goodness D: -looks around room and faints- someone come over and help me pack kthx ; ; I have like a gazillion stuff and buhhh... How am I going to get all these stuff to Sam's - -v

Shushu came to London a day before she went back to Malaysia and we went to Madamme Tussaud since we have the annual pass and have never been there before - -v It was pretty cool, those wax figures are so life-like @__@ ESPECIALLY JOHNNY DEPP OMFG SEX KTHX. -licks- XD

There was a Chamber of horror section in it, it was like a dark room, with real actors jumping out to scare you and shit D: Shushu and me were like -CLINGSTIGHTTOEACHOTHERS- and like screamed from the beginning to the end LOL. The horror section also have all these wax figures of the death penalty method used in the past... Like hanging, decapitalize, and this huge wheel with spikes which they tie the prisoner on it and like crashed their bones -shivers- I was feeling dizzy that day for some unknown reason and Shushu thought it was because I didn't have nothing to eat all day so we went to subway and got a sub :3 All day we were just talking non-stop cause I haven't seen her in forever and we had so much catching up to do! Like wth she didn't even know that me and Sam got back together, woops XD

We got home after dinner and pretty early since we were both tired (she had her last exam the day before and I was still sick) and we talked even more back home (durh) and I showed her audition <- LOL :x She quite like it but she ain't an online gamer so yah D: At the end of the day my voice was all breaking up and my throat was hurting even more cause of all the talking but it was so nice to see Shushu again <333 She's already in Malaysia now.. and I'll see her again in -counts- 10 DAYS! WOOTZ <3 Too bad Lyen is staying in England for her summer placement and can't go home til like mid August ; ; Oh wells, Lyen's coming to London soon too! Maybe we will go Thorpe Park this time, or something XD

Then the next morning Ify text me at like 5 o'clock and said "Let me know when Sam gets to yours, he's very drunk" and I was like wtf? Then I called Sam and some weirdo picked up and went "Yoz!" and then hung up o_o; Then Ify was like... GO OUT AND LOOK FOR SAM, HE'S OUT THERE SOMEWHERE and I went out to look for him twice wtf D: Thought he was mugged or stabbed or whatever since like my area isn't the safest place to walk around - -v I even called his house and woke his mum up at like 6 in the morning :x MADE US SO WORRIED HOR?! Ify and Alan were like OMG SAM COULD BE DEAD NOW, and all this timeeee he was sleeeeping at home?! Apparently they were out drinking and they were all drunk like !@$!@#!@$ and took a cab home, but Sam wanted to come and see me and like got off the cab half way and said I WANNA GO SEE EVELYN and then lost his phone and fell asleep on the street?! Somehow he managed to get home safely but phewwwwww D: Don't do that again baby = =v

I can't stop listening to this "Indian Thriller" song thanks to Kuro-hani and Joy-hani ROFL like wtf, I've been listening to it for the past 2 hours or so -dead- GIRLYMAN!!!! WOOT IM COMING, MUTTON GO YAY! d0rtz. Check it out if you want to have a good laugh :x hani hani we really have to record this song next! It'd be so cool ROFL <3333 Speaking about this, me + Joy-hani recorded 2 songs the morning Shushu came to London <-- and made me 10 mins late XD Basically we used this recording programme and like we each started a song, recorded, export, and trade then the other person continue the song and repeat export, trade and so on. At the end the files were like friggan huge cuz we kept adding to em and took forever to send - -v BUT IT WAS SO FUN ♡♡♡ Here's the link to download the chinese one if you want to listen to my horrible voice + joy-hani de cute voice laaaaaa ♡♡♡

Me and tian baby are oh-so-hawt ♡ Baby's PC is like fked up so it's really hard to catch him on sea, or online for that matter. So when baby pm'ed me the other day I was so surprised and went berserk for a little while -cough- and of course grabbed the chance to get engaged LOL ♡♡♡

HOWEVER... couple shi couple already... Like til now we still don't have one single kiss okay .__. I was telling Joy-hani how me and ring have no fate D: Let's see... First I was with skillzy/dennis when the marriage system came to sea and that's when he went MIA and inactive, then I break + coupled with tian baby now he's become inactive too because of his comp and dennis came on sea more now after we broke omgwtfbbq?! Well... okay then what about TimJas? The day I proposed to Jess baby TIMMIE GOT SUSPENDED like WTF?! I don't even know why Timmie got suspended until now and because I used my bro's email address for that account and he kept saying he didn't get a confirmation email laa dee dahhh so blah I can't reactivate Timmie ; ; THEN, ON KAU, coupled sexy mental hospital patient and got ONE KISS (liketheonlykissivegotwtf) then Rainy went bye-bye wth. Then okay! on aAU! Coupled with smhp who's not inactive + still have account BUT!! NO MARRIAGE SYSTEM LA WTF D:

Everyone have a friggan ring laaaaa... make me jealous D: -eats all your rings- >:O

OH! I finally leveled on sea like wtf so long LOL :x Finally level 27~ :] Passed the licence one go, wasn't so hard, it was gogo freestyle :3 Weeeee~ But durh... only 20k den, so kiamsiap de .__. I'm like friggan poor... need DEN LAA NPC pl0x D:

Prince was on sea yesterday and he was pming me and joy... and yea... these SS are self explanatory - -v Don't have to add that last sentence de hor? then I happy a bit LOL XDDD

And me + shin-hani + niffy poo were playing then for some reason we started talking about monkeys and balls (as usual... since they're niffy's favourite) Then Shin-hani was like "Hey niffy how's ur balls" and then she was like AHH SPAM THAT AWAY BEFORE NIFFY SEES IT... but then...

WTF?! ROFL -deaddddd- XDD

F > BF room was up again last night, and this time it's for Joy-hani :x She attracted more girls than guys though ♡_♡ but uh yea, that's not very surprising ♡♡ LOLOL hanilavlav :x Anyways, half way through hypering in the room I got this weird friggan bug and like... people were missing head, body, feet and crap o_o

And then... Jon came into the room a while later and we were playing couple ;3 then I was like JON, U SO RICH... DONATE ME SOME DEN! and he's like OK! NO PROBLEM <33 I give you den! Then like after the round, I was expecting the dialog came up and said "you received blah di blah den from TrainXIII" but it never came up and Jon was like uh... I don't know if it will work but I will try. Then me + Joy-hani were like WTF?! Do you know what are we talking about.... THE GIFT DEN BUTTON ON TOP LEFT?! And Jon were like OH SHIT, I thought you said gift den item from mall~~~ AWWWWWW ♡♡♡♡♡♡ He was gonna do it as well... but durh, it didn't work - -v

Anyways, MY VENT ROCKS ♡ There are so much sex-tion in Joy-hani's bedroom it's not funny! Here's a ss to show you what I'm talking about ♡ JOY-HANI IS SUCH A DA SE NV HOR!! XD

Hmm.... I think that's about it :O Nothing much happened lately except for packing + studying + audi + spending time with Sam ♡ <- Since I'm going back to Malaysia soon and we won't see each others for like 2 months T_T -sigh-

Since the other Ex's posted...

2007-05-23T17:04:00.000+08:00

让我也想要 blog :3

Earlier today I was a little emo. Part of the reason is, of course, about my account on kAU got stolen + deleted. However, the main reason was because I felt sort of... lost. Charles was giving me a lecture about how I shouldn't trust people so easily, and that I'm so naive and being too nice to people la dee dah. He's not the only who've said that to me; Sam, Tian, Mafia nostrils, Hanis... almost everyone told me that. I have said that I need to learn how to say no to people since like who-know-when but I could never get myself to do it. People probably think that I'm too nice, but I guess the truth is I don't want others to think badly of me because I'm so self-conscious. When I'm asked to do something, even though I don't want to do it I will probably give in at the end (this does not apply to people I'm super duper close with though; reads: Sam) and then moan and bitch about it later on. I mean, if I'm truly being nice and did it, I shouldn't be complaining afterwards right? Though some of these stuff are like I don't have any reason to do them, like I can just say "fuck off" in their face and nobody would say that I'm being unreasonable, but I just can't. Sometimes I feel like a wuss. What am I talking about, I AM a wuss. I care too much about what people think of me and how they view me. I need to stop caring about stupid stuff like this and start expressing myself. I will be mean if I want to be, and if you don't like it then too bad. Except I've said that for hundreds of times and in the end I'll just change back to my original state. This time I'm going to do it, okay?

I'm also at a lost as to who I can trust and who I can't. I always have so much faith in people, I always see someone as a nice person at first unless he/she does something bad to make me change my view on them. Although there are always exception where I have this bad feeling about someone that he/she is bad news, but that's beside the point. Right, now that I say this, it occurs to me that there were quite a lot of times where I had biased opinion towards people before I even get to know them. So... I don't know what I'm like really. I am... so contradicting. I contradict myself in many many ways, like I'd do stuff that I normally despise. Does that mean I am a hypocrite? I don't know, you tell me.

Anyways, as I told Tian baby, people don't come with a label on their forehead saying <-- I'm a bad person, don't trust me. If someone treats you really nicely, how do you determine if he's genuinely being nice, or he's just a two-faced bastard? Almost all of my friends treat me really nice (or else I won't be friends with them in the first place), so in return I treat them nicely too. Some of my friends have really bad impression on some of my other friends, and was like why can't you see through his fake-ness? He's an asshole la dee dah, why can't you see that? Maybe I just fall for people too easily. I'm prone to nice-ness (that's not even a word but wtf) and yes I get scammed/cheated quite easily because of that. I admit I'm shit at protecting myself when it comes to this prospect. However, there's a really weird thing about me. I'd rather be dumped than dumping people, I'd rather be scammed than scamming others. I rather people take advantage of me than the other way round. Then again, I can be pretty selfish sometimes as some people told me, and that's back to the self-contradicting issue again. Sometimes I really don't know myself. What exactly am I like?

Enough about the (sort-of) emo writings. Today was alright, I booked my air ticket back to Malaysia, studied Criminal Law for a few hours and played very little Audition (which is pretty surprising). Another person came to look at my room and this guy really liked my room and already paid the deposit money x) I'm moving out on the 15th of June, going back to Malaysia for summer holiday weeee :D

We found out that my account on kAU has got deleted instead of just changing password. I still don't know why you do this, Seth. I can understand if you got greedy and want my account to yourself with my cash items and level 20, but what benefit do you get by deleting my account? Is it because of what you said, that you're just jealous of me? If that's true that you're really a fucking kid. Jealous that I have cash items, friends and high level, you think they come falling down from the sky? You expect to have what I have without having to work for them? Why should you? You're just a fucking kid who needs to go fucking jump off a cliff (stolen from hani - -v) and because you're so fat you cushioned yourself and won't die but instead suffer from serious injuries and broke all your limbs and have to lay on a hospital bed for the rest of your life wishing that you were dead. Okay that's a bit harsh but lol - -v I don't really mean that LOL <- obviously.. or not? -giggles-

I thought about it and wondered, why me? This Seth guy added me on MSN randomly saying that he found my email on goaudition forum. It is logical but hey, why me? I looked back at the chat log I had with him and it seems like he aimed for my accounts. Asking me for accounts, and telling me how he leveled someone on sAU and then the person changed pw and asked me not to do the same. Yea right, like you could do a level 28 licence you fucking noob. Some friends suspected he was asked by someone -cough- to do this to me, or that someone -cough- told him about me, and how much of a bitch I am (since he hates my guts) and want to take revenge. Or is it Seth were mad that I won't buy him cash items and this is what he does to get back at me? Why should I buy you items in the first place? You fucking kid. I'm not your mom I have no obligation to do that, letting you use my account is being really generous to you and this is what you do to me? Fuck ok, my blood is starting to boil - -v Rainy is gone, you happy now? I couldn't give two shit about my account, I just don't like how me being nice and getting treated like shit in return.

So... Raindeavour is gone in kAU but Excentrique was created yesterday with loads of love. Joy-hani told me how she and Jon have created an account for me and planned to secretly leveled my character and replace my items. That was so nice of you guys ; ; don't have to do that! -hugz- That made me feel so happy and I didn't care about Rainy being stolen and all, it's just a game account <3 A lot of people have offered, or secretly planning to *cough* you know who you are *cough* pay to replace my cash items to help rebuild my character. I just want you guys to know that I'm really glad and thankful that you guys would do that, and PLEASE DO NOT DO THAT OKAY?!?! Except for keithy-hani... who already bought me kAU cash - -v Thank you so much <3333 PLEASE DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!

I love you all so much too <3 If Sam is reading this right now he's probably thinking to himself oh-my-god, fucking internet geeks, BUT HEY, internet friends are friends too you know D: And I truly like these people <33 Although yah I know I need to spend more time with my real life friends :x

Oh that reminds me of something, Sam got a lil jealous yesterday cause he thought I have feelings for this other person *cough* on audi :x I will not do that okay?! I already have a boyfriend and yeah I <3 you very much, maybe I don't show it but it doesn't mean that I don't care <33333 I appreciate this relationship I have at the moment and I will not do anything to ruin it. Yes, I am pretty flirty online, but that's all just for fun <3 I just see them as really close friends, and it never crossed my mind to leave you for them or anything like that. Okay silly? Although... I would still couple other people on audi, EVEN IF YOU START PLAYING >:P

This post is getting ridiculously long - -v I really should stop writing LOL! Oh yea... before I forget, me + joy-hani + suzy-hani teamed up on SEA <3 When Excentrique gets level 6, we are teaming up again yea yea? lavlavhaniiis <33

Plus the hani siggie I made earlier. Joy-hani made the image, I just edited it (add text + border + pattern etc) so it's a collaboration between us <3 I love it! hani lavlav <33

PS: To read about funny stuff that happened between us, go read candy-cafe <3333 OH I've also changed my featured song, it's now Nightwish - Forever yours. LISTEN TO IT <333 OH AND IF YOURE READING THIS LEAVE A MSG AT THE TAGGIE BOARD LA D:

Falling hopelessly

2007-05-21T01:25:00.000+08:00

I'm forseeing a really really long post - -v Been putting off blogging for 4 days la da da da <3 So right I have good news, and bad news.

My kAU account got fucking scammed. Well, I can only blame myself for trusting people too easily. But hell... I trust these people <3 except maybe for this one person who I'm suspecting now. Anyways, I have like 11k cash in my account when I logged off, and when I log back on I have like 2.4k left and I was like WTF, I was fucking FUMING it wasn't funny. I wanted to friggan kill that whoever spent my cash without asking for permission. Then I thought I'm going to change my account pw and asked Seb to help me do it and guess what?! MY ACCOUNT PASSWORD WERE CHANGED! along with the email address. So yeah.. something like that this and that... don't really want to get into details cuz it's going to fucking boil my blood. - -v SO THAT'S THAT MY FUCKING KAU ACCOUNT IS SCAMMED, PLEASE GIVE ME BACK MY ACCOUNT WTF T_T

So I was really pissed off + sad then I just pming the people on my list going crazy and I pm'ed Tian baby and went like BABYYYYY T___T and told tian the story and he was like WTF?!?!?!?! and I was like yahhhhhhhh <-- naive IDIOT and tian was like no... IDIOTIC BUT NICE BABY.. <-- THAT IS SO VERY SCHWIIIT OK?! <333 -melts- and then I was talking to tian baby and we went to comp together with puri-hani <3 I dropped out at round 3 I think due to really very very lag game (no thanks to my lappy - -) but tian baby proceeded to semi finals! ♡♡♡

After that me and tian had the longest msn conversation ever, or just the longest conversation ever between us and OMG, I bet everyone who read the log would get goosebumps cause we were so rou ma?! Even us gets !@#$!@$% by how rou ma we were :x Don't click it if you don't want to 吐血!! At one point baby got too excited and went -cough- and we both went !@#!@%#@^% ROFL -dead-

Oh I also changed the featured song on my blog :3 It's now 吴克勤 - 男佣 <-- baby baby！我是你的野蛮老婆~ BABY你是全世界最帅最性感的奴隶/男佣~~~ ♡♡♡

And AHP kept saying that I'm a pedo <_< -strangles mafia-

So I've been on kAU mostly lately... all new stuff, it's much much more better than sea :3 Coupled with sexy mental hospital patient or SMHP in short and teamed up with hanihanis <3<3 We are teh awesome... ah I'm missing rainy now ; ; I've already planned an outfit for her ; ; and was saving up the cash T__T but they're all gone now wahhhh ; ; Want my second ♡ :x

By the way... we have an official hani suit now! Thank you so much shin-hani for the top ; ; <33 -mwahhhh- ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ and uh... a hani 全家福（女） stolen from candy-cafe credit to Joy-hani for making it <3 LAVLAVHANI ^^~

Speaking of sea... DENNIS WAS ON SEA YDAY LIKE OMGWTFBBQ?! He has been MIA for a friggan long time but buhhhhh he didn't say a word during the whole time he was on (except on pm - -v) But yah~ We should play alba next time ;D Don't play audi le if it's no fun okay~?

Puri-hani is back in Taiwan now~ what is it like there?! Hani remember to show me your room room :3 Speaking about Puri-hani, me and Sam went to this Indian Restaurant for dinner on Saturday night, and while we were looking at the menu, Sam was like hey look, there's a puri on here! I was like WTFALSDAKF?! and looked at the menu which says "Puri ...... £0.95" then I was like WHOAAAA, hani so cheap de?! IM GOING TO GET 10 OF IT !!! ROFL awww hanihani missing you already ; ; -clings clings-

Anyways... I think this blog entry is like !@#$!@%!@#^ long... I should stop here (Joy-hani is nagging on msn!!! *proof*) So I'm gonna stop here~ CHECK OUT MY NEW FEATURED SONG OKAY?! I'm like totally addicted to it now thanks to tian baby rofl XD Missing everyone <3 LAVLAV BABYS AND HANIS <3 And thanks to everyone who worried with me + listening to me complain + helped me track the scammer, you know who you areee and I love you guys so much ; ; -hugzhugz-

BACK UP!!

2007-05-17T00:25:00.000+08:00

YES FINALLY BACKUP!! Oh em gee... it took friggan long - -v Thanks to tian baby, niffy poo, joy hani, puri hani, luci, maxi, suzy hani and bao for feeding me exp! Me + suzy-hani + baobao were all 25 going on 26 so we were tagging each others at the end so we could all do licence together :3 The bloody licence is like friggin hard - -v 23 perfs... took me about 8 tries to pass it - -v

YAY! -jumps up and down- let's hope the next licence ain't as difficult -checks- woootz go go :3

After we passed the licence me and Suzy-hani were like super SHUANG, I mean, SHE would BE SHUANG! Cause she passed her licence in first go T_T <-- Pro ass suzy-hani <3 Then I made a really bu yao lian de bulletin :x

and surprisingly! Puri-hani replied!

hahahaha lavlav hani <3 You're not behind horr!! Almost level also le! GO GO HANI <333

BTW! CONGRATSSSS Joy-hani for coupling with m33ky-hani! :D Tsk see them both so tian mi mi tsk tsk XD <3333 Hell know how many people's hearts you broke huh, including wo de... Heck who cares if you're already coupled, ni hai shi wo de okay?! -cough cough- Uhm well since Joy-hani so tian mi mi le, me and Suzy-hani had to catch up - -v SO, we made a room, actually SUZY made it :x rofl <33333

Why did the F > gf room get more people than our smexy room ; ; rofl <_< Anyways, waited forever but still no shuai ge - -v LOL oh my tian we are such hua-chis. Joy-hani tried to match me with some guy -cough cough- ni yao si le hani - -v

iwillsticktomytianbabythankyouverymuch ;x

Right... now I'm like super despo with den - -v Only have like 100k+ left, NPC LA?! Oh!! Before I forget... CONGRATS JON + BREEZY FOR GETTING MARRIED~

Tian baby... I WANT THAT OKAY?! rofl ♡♡♡

TADAIMA! ♡♡♡

2007-05-16T17:10:00.000+08:00

I'M BACK YAYAYAYAYAYAY BACK FROM TEH TRIP WEEEEE <3 TADAIMA <333 Aww hani I missed you like MAD too can!? ; ; -runs around like maniac with hanihani- lavlavlav hani wo ai ni okay?! ai ni yong yuan ♡♡♡♡

Anyways, first thing first, I CHANGED MY SONG ON MY BLOG. This new song is called "Chinese remix" and it's made by Ify and Alan, taking the piss outta chinese people rofl I think it rox man ;D Chinese food rox okay! IFY U NEED TO COME EAT CHINESE WITH US ONE DAY >;O

Caravan park was pretty fun :D The only thing is that it was raining like... everyday - -v made me and Sam very de dotz. Couldn't do much, so we stayed in quite a lot (plus I'm lazy too wakakaka sue me :x) and I found a new hobby -> SCRABBLE! We bought a scrabble board so that we can have something to do in the caravan, and the first ever time we played, Sam owned me like DURH and I got friggan pissed off ROFL <-- sore loser can?! It's partly his fault cause he was friggan winding me up - -v he was like NANANANANANA BUILDER WIN A LAW STUDENT NANANANA -flying kicks punch stab cut- die die die <_< But! That was a one off ;D He never won me after that single time mwahahahaha <3

Oh we also found this really nice Thai restaurant in Walton ; ; It was so nice we went there two nights in a row :x (yesss we are pigggssss) AND YEA OMG... the train station in Walton-on-Naze... that placee OMG we were planning to come back to London after dinner, so like we went to the train station before dinner to get ticket, and check train time... and guess what... THE TICKET OFFICE IS CLOSED! I mean like wtf... it was only about half 6 <_< We had to get this travel permit thing (gosh that thing is OLDDDD I've never heard of it before) the self service ticket machines at the station is like friggan older than me .__. At the end we had to go to the arcade in the pier to get like 50 pound coins BECAUSE THE BLOODY MACHINE WONT TAKE NOTES x_x; Lol well.. at least we got back to London :x On the train we played scrabble again and I won again (duh) (waahahahaha) XD

Nightmare's over... (sort of)

2007-05-10T21:42:00.000+08:00

Right... exam's over yay! I don't want to even talk about it so let's leave it at that :3 Past 2 weeks were hell can? Almost drowned in stress and all those cramming sessions.

So I went to competition today (yay!) but didn't get in a room (boo!) HOWEVER! Server crashed after like 10 seconds into the first song gg asiasoft - -v I bet Joy-hani is going to be hella happy when she wakes up later... ONE MORE DAY with her shiny shiny de medal ;D but buhh... no winner today to gift her den in couple mode? ;o

Anyways, grats hani for winning competition!! super nice ninja at the end ;D Puri-hani and me both mega'ed something, but like Joy-blur-hani I didn't react fast enough to get a SS of Puri-hani's mega (durhz) but I got one of mine (duhhh?!) lawl ;3

I was super jin zhang during the whole song can? Didn't want to stress out hani so I was spamming Puri-hani in PM like OMG JOY CHAIN CHAIN PAPP MISS MISS <-- I'm so totally evil sorry D: but hey the chant works I think! wakakaka ;D Because we're so sua ku like never seen medal before we were like super hyper afterwards - -v totally, one of the hyper-est day on audi can?! It was so fun though <33

So, Jon was on vent and me + Joy-hani were being total bitches and was screaming and shouting HANI HANI disturbing him and he was like "omg you two sound so alike, I can't tell who's who!" I mean, JOY-HANI'S VOICE IS CUTER CAN?! Then I found out there were already some people who got me and Joy-hani's voices mixed up I was like double-you-tee-eff o_o; Anyways, HuaChi-ing with hani was totally awesome (fall + melt + puddle + evaporate ftw kthx), and we were trying to make a list for -cough cough- <-- AS IF THERE'S GOING TO BE ONE - -v but yarrrrr it went...

Hani
Hani
Hani
Hani...

Very dots LOL <3 hani lavlav! So yah -cough- hani if you're reading this hor (you better or else - -v) WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR HANI GROUP LEH? D: Since my final's over now let's get started -rolls up sleeves- this group is taking forever to make okay?! Oh that reminds me I need to reform my team lalala (:

Hmm... what more? Oh yeah... we got more people on vent ;D -counts- d3, jx hunnie, kuro-hani <-- who needs to get a mic - -v, delu? (I didn't see her) but woohhhhh, so I didn't upgrade to 20 slots for nothing afterall - -v

(I realise this post is like mirror-ing Joy-hani's latest post?! SAME THINGS DE?! Hell we almost spent the whole day together can? what else to write - -v)

(Oh and this post is totally in Singlish... I'm so pro sia ;])

Wtfook?!

2007-05-08T00:35:00.000+08:00

Not supposed to blog right now; revising in library at the moment. BUT!

I came across this case name while revising:

Forsikringsaktieselskapet Vesta v Butcher [1989] AC 852

WTFOOK?! I'm so not going to remember that -___-;

Anywho, here's a summary of what I've studied:

Offer and acceptance 80%
Consideration 80%
Terms of contract 50%
Exclusion clauses 0%
Misrepresentation 70%
Mistake 0%
Duress and Undue influeces 10%
Discharge of contract 40%
Remedies 30%

Case law memorised 10%

Time til exam : 21 hours

Alright back to studying :3

PS: everyone snore la okay?! it's not like I can control snoring de ma!! (please tell me I don't snore really loud kthxbai) lavlavhani ♥

2 down, 2 to go

2007-05-05T20:26:00.000+08:00

I have never studied so much in such short time span. And I would give anything to NOT DO THAT ever again. Seriously, cramming in the library for like 15 hours non-stop through the night is just so very exhausting. IT BURNS ME OUT, I felt like I was going to die.

Anyways, Property nightmare is gone. Sort of D: I didn't do well in that either... I spent the first 30 minutes of that paper calming myself down, because I was so stressed out. When the examination invigilator said "Alright your reading time starts now!" I flicked open my question booklet and I couldn't apprehend anything I read. My mind was going all "woosh woosh" as I was reading the questions, getting bombarded with crap load of shit and I just couldn't think straight at all.

I only answered 2 questions out of the 3 we are required to, so I fucking hope the answers for the 2 questions are good enough to cover my ass. Dah... enough about property law, it's gone and I don't want to think about it no more. Contract and constitutional papers SOON, and yeah... cramming period starts AGAIN. -dies-

I wasted 24+ hours of potential studying time slacking around after property law exam... For some reason I was so relaxed after that and I didn't have mood to study whatsoever. Subconsciously I just want to forget the fact that I have 2 more papers to go, and that this friggin final crap is over and done with already. Gawd... give me chicken power T__T

Oh and... being the wonderful dork I am, here's some pictures of the library XD (At 4 am in the morning)

meow

2007-05-03T08:02:00.000+08:00

Added some links under daily read. Few of them are from my old blog at http://www.forbidden-silent.com ;3 Anybody have any recommendation of interesting blogs I can read?

Still in library now, 9 hours to go before Property Law exam. Here's an update of how much I've covered so far:

Law and Equity - 80%
Estate, Interests and Land Chargers - 80%
Registered Land - 80%
Leases - 60%
Trust of Land - 50%
Co-Ownership - 70%
Easement - 80%
Mortgages - 0%
Licences - 60%
Freehold Covenants - 0%
Leasehold Covenants - 0%

Case Law memorised - 0%

Need to memorise some cases... aiming to do that in an hour; just some leading cases, around 2 to 3 for each topics. Then I need to read through some of the important statutes and acts .__. After that I'll have to read through some sample answers and past year papers... so that I know how do I structure my answers. No sleep tonight I guess, gonna KO tomorrow after property law exam and then STRIVE for Public Law and Contract Law starting tomorrow night. OMG... I PROMISE I'M NOT GOING TO SLACK NEXT YEAR... THIS IS SOOOOO TORTURING T_T

Dear Lord, please show me some mercy and grant me a miracle. I don't wish for flying colors, just a pass would be soooooo great. I seriously DO NOT want to fail OMG D:

-DIES- Ahhhhh I want my baby now T___T

Some pics of uni :3

2007-05-01T10:27:00.000+08:00

I was walking in campus with Ben and for some reason, the fact that I'm a university student now feels so good. I remember when I got accepted into university I was so excited, it was beyond words. I've always dream about the day when I am a university student; the green lawn, buildings, students studying on the grass etc.

Now that I'm finally a university student, studying what most people would regard as a "prestigious" major - Law, in a (somewhat) top ranked university for it, WHY AM I WASTING THE MOST BEAUTIFUL YEARS OF MY LIFE DOING POINTLESS THINGS? It's unbelievable how I can be so lazy and motivation-less when it comes to study. Someone please kick me in the butt... I deserve a good kicking .__.

Anyways, I took some pictures around campus because I'm a dork like that (:

The Law building :3 Where I go to classes everyday XD

The Learning Resource Center... where I have been cramming like mad before exams -o-;

Outside Learning Resource Center at night :3

Student village day and night view <3

My point of view while revising in LRC! :D

Walking home from uni with baby ♥

I had chinese food with Sam today woo hoo ♥ This chinese restaurant next to my uni is just so goooood. And this chicken shop omgz, I love my uni - PRIME FOOD LOCATION OKAY?! -floats around in chicken- Anyways, Sam walked me home today and he decided to stay until he has to go to work (he works night shift). I was so tired cause I didn't get much sleep yesterday, so I just went to bed when I got in. Then Sam told me I had a weird conversation with him while I was sleeping :

Eve : Baby, I want tisssueeeee~
Sam : -hands over tissue- here you go :o
Eve : No no no, another type of tissue!
Sam : Huh? Another type of tissue?
Eve : Yea D:
Sam : What are you talking about?!
Eve : Ahh nevermind.. zzz... -goes back to sleep-

No, I don't remember any of that .__.

I ate OREO!

2007-05-01T01:08:00.000+08:00

Criminal law exam didn't go as good as I hope it did. It wasn't really bad but friggin 4 essays in 3 hours is just a lil too much. At first my writings were like neat and decent... towards the end I can't even understand what the hell I was writing. Seriously... to read the question + think + plan the answer + write them out FOR FOUR ESSAYS in THREE HOURS just ain't sufficient. I only managed to answer 2 questions thoroughly/completely and the other 2 I just crap whatever came off my head -o-; I can't even remember most of the cases at the end ;o; I just hope I won't fail -fingers crossed-

About 60+ hours before Land law exam... IT'S THE ONE I HATE THE MOST HOR?! I can't remember any cases off my head for land law right now... I'm so fucked XD Ok here goes:

Law and Equity - 40%
Estate, Interests and Land Chargers - 20%
Registered Land - 20%
Leases - 60%
Trust of Land - 0%
Co-Ownership - 10%
Easement - 10%
Mortgages - 0%
Licences - 40%
Freehold Covenants - 0%
Leasehold Covenants - 0%

Case Law memorised - 0%

OKAY... SEE HOW FUCKED I AM NOW?! -dies and floats to uh... chicken land-

The PC's in uni are so retarded today. I can't log into MSN web messenger for some weird unknown reason. Everytime I tried to log on it just froze my PC up and then I have to restart/switch to another PC. I've changed 6 PCs in like 4 hours hor?! So fucking annoying <_<; So now I'm left with no MSN messenger therefore spamming candy-cafe's tagboard weeee :x

Oh btw, I've got http://raindeavour.blogspot.com now (: Thank you loo aka myukcola, it was really appreciated. I'm sorry if I sounded too harsh in that post, but I was really mad + hot headed when I was typing that :x

Anywayssss... heading out for dindin now! And then I'll probably go home and sleeeeeeeeeeep til like 3 am or something, and then get up and revise -o-; The plan was to revise all day today, tomorrow and the day after. BUT, after 3 hours of stress this morning I just really can't bring myself to study anything at the moment. Everytime I pick up my book my eyelids just want to close... oh my tian - -v

HELP! HALP!

2007-04-29T11:38:00.000+08:00

29 hours 20 minutes til Criminal Law exam. Holy mother fucking shit, why on earth am I blogging now?! I should be studying, or sleeping so that I can wake up early tomorrow and go study in uni.

Seriously, I think I'm fucked. I'm so fucking scared it's unreal. I kept telling Ben I'M SCARED I'M SCARED -reads forums- I'M SCARED I'M SCARED -reads blogs- and he'd be like Eve you don't looks scared at all... YOU MUST STUDIED A LOT ALREADY HOR?! Nuuuuuuuuuuuu T__T I'm so scared until I'm numb .__. For some reason I believe I'm going to pass (inside) SOMEHOW. But I mean... HOW?! In reality I know I'm going to do so badly and fail like there's no tomorrow BUT I JUST CAN'T CONCENTRATE omg someone kill me, or like stab me, kick me in the nuts (ah crap I don't have nuts) JUST MAKE ME STUDY PLEASE, I'll love you forever T__T

Topics covered:
Actus Reus and Mens Rea 100%
Unlawful homicide 60%
Non-fatal offences against the person 50%
Defences 5% <--- WTF?!
Theft and Criminal Damage 70%

Case laws memorised... 10% <-- HOLY!

WHAT WHAT R v Smith (1959)... uh... soldier... barrack... stabbed pierced lung... something something -dies- save meeeee -reaches out-

T___T I think I should sleep now .__.

I'm the real deal

2007-04-27T10:37:00.000+08:00

Today kinda sucks to start with. First I lost to Sky/Jin in competition. I mean wtf?! That fucking song is not perf-able whatsoever can? It was crazy sync 4 and everyone and their dogs know rain sucks at 4k let alone PERFING 4k in a mother fucking non-perf song like XR - Love Again. WORSE IS... He ninja-ed me last move and got 3rd place pushing me down to 4th by 1k or so points?! That pissed me off man T__T I think I only got like 3 perfs overall ._. WATA CRAP!!

Secondly, I found out somebody used my name on blogspot. Like seriously, what the fuck? Raindeavour is my name can?! ._. I made that name up from scratch, it doesn't even have a meaning (except for the meaning I gave it) It's just a bunch of alphabets I put together, and It's been my internet identity for like... 4 years or so?

That pissed me straight off. I mean, if you google the name "Raindeavour", you will get 16 pages; 16 FRICKEN PAGES of links, of which every "raindeavour" in them refers to YOURS TRULY... except for this single one http://raindeavour.blogspot.com T3T It doesn't help that she plays on Audition SEA, and PLAYED WITH ME BEFORE. Seriously, sooooo stolen ._.

I'm Raindeavour, Raindeavour is me. End of. All these years I've never come across one single person who have the same name. Zero. Ling. 0. I never had to worry that my name is taken whenever I sign up for something, so you can imagine how shocked I was when I clicked on "check availability" trying to create a blog on blogspot. When it says "unavailable" I was like WTF? I had one already? I didn't know o_o; -clicks- WTH THAT'S NOT ME!!!

Say, anyone know if there's anyway one can trademark a name? rofl XD

I am hated!

2007-04-23T07:09:00.000+08:00

I actually enjoyed being flamed by idiots. It doesn't make me feel bad because well... they're are idiots. You can't really expect good things from them, right? I just laugh at how pathetic and stupid they are afterwards, and it's pretty amusing.

Some girl got jealous and pissed off at me today on audi, for some reason she thought that I like her bf and her bf likes me back? I mean, I haven't even met this girl before, and the second I joined the game she left immediately. Me and her bf was like "wtf is going on?" and decided to join them in another room and see what's happening, and the ENTIRE time we were playing there we get spammed by tagalog -o-;

Afterward she told him that she and her friends don't like me (I wonder why) and he asked "why, what did she do?" and she said something along the line of "nothing, I just don't like her" o_o fair enough...? Anyways I kept feeling hostility from her and her friends in their room so I just left promptly afterward.